It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
