she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
