There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
