I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
