guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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