I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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