where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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