Soap is not a condiment
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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