bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
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Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
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I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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