oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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