I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Please, let me fuck your mom
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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