Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Can't talk, ducks in the car
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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