if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
