I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
