i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Is it penis luge time yet?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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