I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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