I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
