I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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