I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
