My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
i think im in europe. pls send help
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
