shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
