Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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