I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
