oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
