I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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