I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
