We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
