My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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