why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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