just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
