also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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