it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
