He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
