He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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