my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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