Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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