I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
