I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
