just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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