I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
