she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
