I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
