I looked at my own cervix.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
