no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
