WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
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Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
The uberlube is also flammable
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
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It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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