For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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