im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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