I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
