I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
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