I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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