I cockslap morals
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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