Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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