i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
