How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
