how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
