if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
My breath smells like gin and sadness
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
