dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
