Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Of course I have a pirate flag
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
