Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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