ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
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Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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