Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
