I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize
