I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
