Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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