his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
