ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
