fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
