It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
