have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
