The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Just puked most of my soul out..
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
