i jhust puked up my retainher.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
