Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
