I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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